Movies In Your Head

Audio Smut presents: a radio play.

This episode was a documentary experiment, produced in collaboration with composer Shani Aviram. We set out asking questions about how perception is altered in early romantic relationships. How does your sense of reality fail you when you’re falling in love? After months of research and 17 interviews, we decided to write a single narrative encompassing the experiences and facts we unearthed. Only by creating a fictional narrative was it possible to represent the extremely internal nature of this particular struggle.

Picture that unbelievable first date, wrought with chemistry and passion. Your arms graze and you pulse with anticipation and energy. You kiss. It’s magic. Everything sparkles. You go home and relive every moment of the past 4 hours. You long for your second meeting. Maybe this time you will go all the way. You imagine their mouth all over your body. It will probably be the best sex you’ve ever had. You picture their apartment, cluttered with tchotchkes, a large wooden table with mis-matched chairs, a vintage green velvet couch. You have only hung out with them once, but you have this feeling that this might be one of the greatest relationships of your life. You imagine all of the things you will do together. You might catch yourself picturing the house the two of you will live in. You wait by the phone for one day, two days, three days, a week. No call, nothing. Suddenly the narrative you have been reliving multiple times a day is broken. You are forced to begin re-examining the series of events. And you start to feel utterly insane. What the fuck happened? You let a moment or two get away from you. You got excited about something that wasn’t real yet. And then you ended up profoundly confused and disappointed. You were making movies in your head.

Special thanks to our interviewees, especially Ayinde Bennett (the man who told us about making movies in your head), Armen Bazarian and Caroline McKeown.

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